I don’t really have an opinion about most things.
Not anymore.
However, a lot of times, you would not be able to tell if you heard me talk.
Quite the opposite. It looks like I am incredibly opinionated about a lot of topics.
Through introspection and observing my thoughts and feelings… I am realizing that these opinions are not even really mine.
I will feel the need to give an opinion, which isn’t necessarily “my” opinion, just “the contrary opinion” to what is being discussed.
It will just be an opportunity to feel important. To have a say in the matter. To not seem dumb or irrelevant.
Which is all nonsense, of course.
My not having an opinion doesn’t come from a place of disinterest or cynicism.
It comes from a place of not feeling the need anymore. Not feeling the – self-imposed – pressure of taking the spotlight or having to look good/smart to cover up some deep rooted insecurities.
Nonetheless, this pattern of mine runs deep and can be quite persistent.
So when I do catch myself having an opinion that doesn’t seem like it’s mine, I will ask myself:
“Do I really care about this?”